So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
