sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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