My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
