Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
