D3 body, D1 cock
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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