But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize