i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
