Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
