Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
