How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
