Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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