so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
