Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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