Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
