Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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