i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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