It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
