this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
