My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think my vagina is haunted
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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