So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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