can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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