The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
