Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
