bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
