Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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