we have officially lost it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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