Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm passing your future prison.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
