Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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