I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
