Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
