dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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