So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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