Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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