he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I would ride that face into the sunset
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
