So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize