Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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