my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
