Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
