there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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