literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize