i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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