I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
