That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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