Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
