You just made me feel so damn special
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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