I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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