yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
