I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
