I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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