If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
