I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
