Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Duck Duck Cougar?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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