Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
