When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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