I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
