Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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