i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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