i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
