I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
