You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
