Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think a kid would responsible me up
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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