tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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