you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
