I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
