does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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