Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They have beer where we have blood.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
