He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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