Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
