I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
