i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
