the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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