The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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