I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I die, sorry about rent.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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