Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
