I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
