Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
