Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
