Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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