Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
