New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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