I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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