I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
