dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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