just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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