Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
