why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
