My room smells like vodka and shame
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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