we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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