her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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