I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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