Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am available for nakedness
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
