So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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