Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
