she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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