i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
