Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
