I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
