i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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