barbara walters just said penis...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
