On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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