Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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