just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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