I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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