Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
